Crimson Sheets

I don’t like people often.

What I mean to say is… I don’t like guys often.

There’s the occasional fleeting crush that I know won’t work out and that I wouldn’t want to work out. They don’t bother me. They’re usually just a silly giddy feeling that I’m never going to act on.

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Do You Remember The Way I Held Your Hand…

…under the lamppost?

Yeah, lyrics again.. I can’t help it. Sometimes this modern day poetry is all that makes sense. I’m feeling a little better this morning. A little more comfortably numb. I had a mini sort of breakdown in the corner of my mind and took myself off for a walk in the dark and the cold by the canal.

I’m so tired and so stressed out, but when I try to sleep thoughts just push on in and mess with my head. Lyrics and questions and problems and too many answers. I’m driving myself up the wall. And when I do that I post it all here or tumblr if it’s to specific people who I don’t reckon will read it.

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The Truth Hurts Worse…

…Than anything I could bring myself to do to you.

– Fall Out Boy: I’ve Got All This Ringing In My Ears & None On My Fingers.

Dear heart, stop aching. Dear mind, stop contemplating. I’ve been chopping potatoes to make chips (that’s fries to Americans). My finger hurts from the motion. And my hands are a little unsteady everytime I cut.

Only cutting potatoes. Only thinking of something else.

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Hopelessly Hopeful

I know, I know: Fall Out Boy lyrics aren’t the most socially cool way of starting a post, but they seem somehow apt and after re-listening to the song (I’ve Got A Dark Alley And A Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth) I can see why they were playing in my head. I know it’s silly, but I find a lot of comfort in lyrics that are poetic or contain complicated thoughts.

Do you ever feel like you’re disappearing or you don’t quite exist? I do sometimes. I feel like I’m dissolving or fading away like the Cheshire Cat and soon all that will be left is a fake smile, but nobody will notice.

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