28th #SatSunTails Winners!

& so we have our #SatSunTails winner!

You can help by promoting next week’s #SatSunTails on your blogs, twitter, G+, facebook, tumblr etc, that would be great. Also, if you’re on twitter and you’d like an @reply every weekend in order to remind you that the competition is open then please leave a note regarding this along with your twitter handle in the comments of this post so I can set that up for you.

But for now, let’s get to the winners!

The Written Prompt

burning nonchalance

Runner Up Mentions

@tollykit –

A wonderful story that kept me guessing until the very end.

@LupusAnthropos –

Always a pleasure to read and with an excellent exchange of dialogue that flowed and fed the story so easily.

@klingorengi –

Loved as always and especially the first two sentences which were a perfect start to the tale.

Overall Winner

@melinagillies –

This was beautifully crafted and a fantastic piece of dramatic description. A delightful platter to all the senses.

Winning Entry

She stood like a sentinel, still but for the pulse which thrummed through her veins; unwavering in her conviction, she waited. Cool air, laced with pungent moss painfully entered her lungs, igniting the burn in her chest which threatened to break faith with the carefully constructed indifference which acted as both her cloak and shield.

The razor thin shafts of light which pierced the thick canopy above sliced through the trees creating new shadows with each brush of the wind; new places for them to hide. She remained still, the knowledge of total entrapment consuming as she felt them close in around her still unseen.

She caught the glint of light against metal and spun deftly. The sound of tearing flesh rang in her ear as the arrow grazed her cheek, warm drops of crimson disappearing unseen into the folds of her fiery gown.

The hunter had become the hunted.

Critique Mentions

Now, as promised, I shall critique those entries that didn’t make it. Sometimes it can literally come down to the smallest things.

@jblearnstowrite –

There were too many repetitions of the character’s name. It feels like a hammer to the head when people repeat things too often in such a way. Find a different word like ‘girl’ or use pronouns and always read back through your writing (preferably aloud) to help you understand the flow of it better and where certain things seem at odds with the rest of the text.

@lejamez –

I’ve mentioned before how small some points can be as to why the story didn’t make it; in this case, ‘lead’ was used where it should have been ‘led’ and the full stop (or period as Americans’ call it) was outside the speech marks when it should have been inside. If you need help punctuating dialogue then this is always a good resource page to look back on.

@LurchMunster –

Small things again: there was a misplaced apostrophe. ‘She gently scratched behind it’s ears.’ The ears belong to the fox and so the apostrophe should be after the s. This is the only case where the apostrophe comes after the s in regards to possession. An easy way to remember is that when it is written as ‘it’s’ then the apostrophe is standing in for the ‘i’ of ‘it is’. So reading it through you would have had ‘She gently scratched behind it is ears.’ And I’m sure you can see that makes less sense.

So thank you to all of those who entered.  The criticism is never meant to harm. It is there to help you better your writing and someday win overall. I’m sure it will also benefit those who were not criticised. I hope this has helped you as well as encouraged you to join in again next week!

Click here to read the mentioned entries.

| [Did you enjoy this post?] |
| [Why not leave a comment or check out my books?] |