23rd #SatSunTails Winners

& so we have our #SatSunTails winner!

My apologies for the lateness of this judging but unfortunately work and migraines can do that to a person.

You can help by promoting next week’s #SatSunTails on your blogs, twitter, G+, facebook, tumblr etc, that would be great. Also, if you’re on twitter and you’d like an @reply every weekend in order to remind you that the competition is open then please leave a note regarding this along with your twitter handle in the comments of this post so I can set that up for you.

But for now, let’s get to the winners!

The Written Prompt

all about exposure

And yet again, a hard choice between such talented entries!

Runner Up Mentions

Nina –

Pirates and mutineers – huzzah!

@tollykit –

Certainly not what I was expecting. A great piece, however, that I really enjoyed.

@LupusAnthropos –

A sharp and varied taste on the prompt with a twist.

Overall Winner

@Lurchmunster –

I thought this was a lovely heart warming piece.

Winning Entry

I yelled, “No guts, no glory! No pain, no gain!” and took three steps, launching myself off the diving board, trying to land pancake flat on the water. I hit so flat, the water knocked the breath right out of me.

Her bucket list was gonna kill me someday. “It’s all about exposure to feeling. Breathing. Touching. Laughing. Crying. Ecstasy. Pain. Life!”

She was part of my heart and soul. I was not whole without her. So I promised I would walk by her side through her bucket list. Even enduring exposure to things like experiencing a belly flop off a diving board.

When I got to the side of the pool, I was pink, from my chest to my knees. Mother, but that hurt. But she was laughing that magic laugh of hers. And I knew, if she asked, I’d do another belly flop. Just for her.

Critique Mentions

Now, as promised, I shall critique those entries that didn’t make it. Sometimes it can literally come down to the smallest things.

@HugAHedgeHog –

It may be my migraine, but I felt this piece was a little cluttered. It took me a while to figure out what was going on enough to get a hook into the story and with a word count as small as this you need the hook in the first two sentences to draw your reader in. After that my criticism would be that there were too many names mentioned and too quickly, which added to the confusion. I hope this helps, though, and as always look forward to your future entries. 

@kimmydonn –

Although I enjoyed the story I did feel there was places, such as ‘The snow and ice beneath Jamie creaked in ways that made her breath catch’, where it was unnecessary to give so much to the reader. Show don’t tell is one of those things you feel like you’re being beaten over the head with as a writer but in this piece it would have worked better. Don’t tell us that her breath caught because of the ice. Tell us the ice creaked. Emphasise the sound and then mix it in with the sound of her breath or a tremble. Either way, let the reader feel it instead of just read it. Something like: ‘The snow and ice creaked, breath catching in her lungs.’ Things like this will really help grasp your readers more.

So thank you to all of those who entered.  The criticism is never meant to harm. It is there to help you better your writing and someday win overall. I’m sure it will also benefit those who were not criticised. I hope this has helped you as well as encouraged you to join in again next week!

Click here to read the mentioned entries.

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