Aut Vincere Aut Mori

The funeral was yesterday. It was a beautiful service. There was laughing and there was crying – a true celebration of a life.

I’m not sure what else to write this week as just a journal entry. I’m sure there’s so much I could tell you, but there’s so much that I don’t know how to say. I don’t really want to talk about the funeral.

Maybe it’s because it’s too soon or maybe it’s because there are certain things I need to internalise before I can really express anything about it.

It’s been a long week. There’s been a lot of things going through my head and a lot of things happening at home. My dad is ill, for one, and my mum has been told she has to stop smoking for the sake of her circulation and so she can have surgery.

So I’m in for a fun few weeks of crabbiness from them.

I wish my dad would listen to me. He would have had his illness solved slightly sooner if he’d gone to the doctor when I told him, but no… Age does not always equal wisdom.

I’ve been eating a lot lately. I seem to go through these phases where I’m so depressed and anxious with everything going on that I physically can’t eat because I feel so nauseous and then I move to the stage where I’m eating constantly just to keep myself occupied from thinking. And I don’t eat anything healthy. I just eat rubbish.

I kind of need to stop drinking too. Well, drinking so much. Makes me feel even worse than I already do, but I do it because I would rather be around people than thinking.

And I can’t always cope with the amount that I think. My thoughts come to thick and too fast.

Other things are going on with family matters too. Hopefully one of my cousins will be able to move closer to us. It would be nicer to see her more than we do.