The Theorist Deviation

My baby died the other day. And by baby I mean my car (before anyone panics). Her name is Pandorica and her battery died. So joy of joys, I’ve had some more financial stress buying her a battery.

Luckily this happened close to pay day and I have some great car engine savvy neighbours, one of whom fitted the new battery for me. So Pandorica has been resurrected. Huzzah!

However, this still means dire finances yet again this month. I’d like to know when that is going to end. Where are the leprechauns with my pot of gold?

Well, hopefully I’ll get that extra job I was telling you about and a few more hours of casual work with my dad’s school. I know I have a few hours to do there next Friday so that’s a few extra pennies at least.

I’m hoping that my writing muse will come back to me soon too. For reasons I’m sure you can guess, I’ve been unable to write to my usual standard and forcing the issue is definitely not working. My first piece for the Nightgale blog challenge has been the only thing I’ve managed with any semblance of my former quality for a few weeks now. Turns out you can’t write with a broken heart.

Anyway, I’ve been spending my time playing video games (which I’ve nearly completed) and watching a box set that I got for Christmas from my brother, Master Berserker. It was all four series of the Big Bang Theory and in an attempt to distract myself I’ve managed to watch all four series since I got them. Of course, that means I have nothing left to distract myself.

I’ve even read all of the summaries of the season five episodes, because it passes the time. I plan to watch them too as and when I can. In fact, the title of this blog post is in honour of the episode titles.

So… I’m not a BBT geek at all…

In yet more news, my brother (Master Berserker) is apparently going to be moving out. Thankfully, this time it will be a legitimate moving out and not a ‘I’m going to tell my parents I’m moving out and tell the whole town I’ve been kicked out’. He seems to have moved away from being intolerable and selfish for the most part, now, anyway. If you’ve read any of the previous stories of his lovely behaviour then you’ll understand what I mean.

Recently, however, he’s been the epitome of nice. I fear aliens may have abducted and replaced him in the night. If they have, I’m not complaining.

All of the other stuff going on in my life is the usual dramatic nonsense. But hey, it’s what you come here to read, isn’t it?

Dramatic stuff… Now let’s see…

Texts I could do without that unlock feelings I’m trying to box [see here], guys hitting on me and over complicating an already complicated situation, other guys hitting on me [do not need], worrying about friends, worrying about the many times of crying in public recently, and finally feeling too ashamed about one time of crying in public in front of someone that I wanted to make up with but now feel I can’t because I’ve disgraced myself more than usual.

Oh and about ten minutes into the new year I nearly broke my neck flailing down the stairs in the pub in heels.

So yeah. My life is just peachy.

Oh. And yeah, those feelings I’m trying to box? They’re still there, still eating away at me, making me hate myself for being foolish and trusting and (even worse) wishing I could trust the same heart breaker again.

I know… I’m insane and self-destructive. And I need to let go. And yadda yadda yadda…

I know all this… And yet knowing doesn’t seem to make a blind bit of difference – hence why I am just boxing it off. And I was doing so well until that stupid text. Now I’m thinking even more… which is why I’m writing this at god knows what time in the morning.

And maybe even a stupid part of me is hoping he’s reading this, hoping he’ll give me an explanation… Hoping he’ll say something to stop me hoping for good.

Anyway, enough of tearing myself apart. I have work in a few hours. Please remember to check out my Nightgale entry and all of the others too.

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