I Am What I Am

And no one can take that away from me. Some have tried, but that’s a longer tale than this blog post will hold and far deeper into my consciousness than any of you are probably willing to go.

Recently, I’ve noticed that I’ve been trying to curb myself on this blog from saying things I really want to say, all for the sake of public image. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing in regards to certain subjects, but it does make the original point of this journal redundant to say the least.

I’ve been trying to do that thing that so many writing blogs tell you to do: lose some of the intimacy and therefore gain a wider access to readers. So, I’ve tried.

However, while it may work for some writers and bloggers, I feel it’s failing for me. My blog just seems to have disappeared into the grey numbing mist of distance and discord. I think the reason for that is because I am trying to be accessible and I’ve stopped just being myself.

This journal was originally a place just for my thoughts. It was somewhere for me to scribble when my head was too full of rubbish to be comprehensible. It was a duct to release the build up of steam. After that I branched out into posting pieces of fiction, because I did want to get noticed for my writing talent as well as for the rubbish that I think about.

This doesn’t mean that I’m not going to write any more fiction on here. My regular updates of flash will stay.

It’s the wishy washy nonsense that isn’t really about anything that will have to go.

There are probably plenty of people who disagree with this and are crying out at their screen about my ‘author platform’ and other such terms that just seem a little too disconnected and showy for me. Maybe it does work for some people. I just don’t feel it works for me.

I can’t ramble on about the craft of writing or how to connect with people more through twitter etc etc.

What I want is just to be me. That’s what people originally came here for. That’s who I am. I don’t want to be a shop mannequin trying to bring you into the store to read my writing when/if I get published. I’m not a showman. I never have been.

My talent is not in making friends or making money or anything really. I’m an over-analysing, neurotic pain in the backside with occasional insane outbursts of hyperactivity. But that’s me. And if you’re reading this then that’s why you’re here.

So in future, expect to read an awful lot more rambling posts about the rubbish going on in my life, the thoughts I need to get out (a bit like Dumbledore’s pensieve) and occasionally the photographs that I like taking as well as the regular updates of flash fiction. I’m only sorry that I had to get this off my chest today instead of keeping up with my regular alternate postings of fiction.

Incidentally, did you like the photo I posted (up top) of my cat? Winking smile

Stay safe. The internet’s a crazy place.

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