Don’t you hate it when you have to do something important and the thing vital to this important action has vanished?
The only laptop that connects to our printer has vanished and I need to print off a form. It’s a very important form. And this form needs to be sent off immediately. I can’t even install the printer on my laptop because the disc to do that has vanished. It vanished several years ago. The only laptop that now connects to this mess has also vanished. Funnily enough, it does this every time my younger brother gets his hands on it. Just wait until I get my hands on my younger brother one of these days. I’ve sent a friend a message, but, frustratingly, that’s all that I can currently do about the situation. I’d love to scour my brother’s room for the damn laptop, but I might as well walk into a lions’ den covered in fresh blood for all the good it would do me. It’s scuppered my plans for today.
Sadly, it’s too early in the day for me to rant about anything else. I haven’t eaten or even had a cup of tea yet. As usual, though, the kitchen and house are already a mess. I don’t get to see a clean house when I wake up. It’s always absolutely filthy. Then, once I’ve cleaned it, the hurricanes called father and brother come and mess it all up again within a minute. I get fed up with it, but the bit that annoys me most is when both of them complain at me and say that I never do anything. It only looks like I don’t do anything because you’ve just come in and destroyed it, you pillocks! These are reasons why I will, sometime in the future, be living alone with only cats for company. Cats don’t make mess and they’re fairly appreciative of you. I say fairly because I know it’s only a ploy to monopolise our affections in order for them to take over the world.
My father is asleep on the sofa. This makes me want to poke him with a sharp object, just to give him a shock. I don’t understand how it’s right for them to have a go at me when all he does is sleep and moan about stuff. Thinking about it is winding me up even more – especially because he didn’t even damn well offer to help me find the stupid laptop I need! No. Instead he laid there reading his bloody newspaper and then went to sleep!
They say that you fall in love with guys like your father. So help me, god, if I fall in love with a guy like my dad I’ll be up on a murder charge of some sort. I can stress myself out; I don’t need anyone else to help me. When I die of extremely high blood pressure everybody will finally understand this.
Anyway, before I kill someone, I’m going to try to find a clean cup or mug to make myself some tea and possibly even breakfast (though I know for a fact that my brother has eaten pretty much everything in the cupboards and I’m really not going to have a mini chocolate roll or a wagon wheel for bloody breakfast!)
(Lyrics in the title are from Bubbly by Colbie Caillat)
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