I need a job. That’s the basics of my life at the moment.
I need to get a job so I can afford my own car and the doubtless high insurance that will come with it. And then, when I get a job, I can see about sending my manuscript off to an agent. It costs so much to send and I’m so broke that I can’t afford it. Not to mention that my family are broke at the moment too, not that my brother cares nor helps. I seem to be the only one who has all the family problems reported to her and reports none of her own because she doesn’t want to stress anybody else out.
And I’m sick of having to listen to my brother playing his crap music so loudly that even with his door closed and my door closed, plus with the television on in here, I can still hear it… and my room is on the opposite side of the house to his. I’m sick of the way he talks to me and everyone else in this house like we’re something he wiped off the soul of his shoe. I’m sick of the way he stresses everybody out in our family. He gets tonnes of stuff and in return all he gives is grief without even a thank you.
Sadly, I’m in one of those moods where the only thing that will do is screaming or crying and I can’t do either right now. I wish he would turn his music off, grow up and become somebody halfway decent. There’s no reason for the way he behaves except that he is spoilt and selfish. I want to get down on the floor and cry in a little heap. There are things going on in my head that I can’t discuss here for a change (you’re probably glad – I mean, one less depressing thing for me to whine about, right?) and they’re stressing me out too. I don’t know what I’m going to do about them, but I aim to sort them over this Easter holiday. I’ve done the whole teenage figuring out who I really am thing. I finally know who I am and what I want and what I’m willing to do to get there. I only wish that the people who are supposed to support me had supported me in working that out and hadn’t just hurried me along into decisions I wasn’t ready to make. Luck hasn’t been exactly kind lately, either. There just seems to be too much going on in my head. And there’s the fact that I still wake up thinking of my ex, which I should be over by now, surely.
I think I’m going to try using my melancholy mood to write the final scenes of Book Three, Secrets, of my JLM Series. It needs to be completed. And this kind of mood is the kind that will allow me to concentrate on a different world for hours on end and stay comfortably entrenched there. Who knows? It could even propel me to complete the twenty-third chapter and finish off the epilogue.
In other news, I’m going to put up a poll in regards to what you think of the flash fiction I’ve been writing on here. This is so that if you have an opinion on what I’ve been writing but you don’t necessarily want to leave a comment, then you will have a place to share your thoughts. I’d much prefer you left a comment (especially if you have a random sentence that you think could provoke some really good flash fiction), but I guess less is more. It’s nice to see some feedback on my flash fiction from new people, as well.
I just want everyone to know that, whilst I may not reply to all comments, I do really appreciate them and thank you for taking the time to read what I’ve written as well as to leave a little something from yourself.
Also, if you want to ask me any questions please do refer to my formspring even though my friend Tim has been trying to make me guess who’s questioning me whilst he pretends he’s an anonymous person. It’s amusing to me, but I appreciate that you might not care to read our weird discussions on furbies, pokemon and other such geeky stuff.
(Lyrics in the title are from Trouble by Coldplay)
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