I’ve realised I make comments about some things like I don’t care in order to hide the fact that I care too much, in case it bites back at me or something.
I’m pretty sure it won’t, but I worry a lot that people think I’m being silly and over emotional about things. I worry that they realise I invest my heart in certain things and certain people and make myself vulnerable. And I’m not sure why it matters that they know how vulnerable about certain things and certain people I am when they are friends that I’m talking to.
Continue reading “L’esprit De L’escalier”
I know, I know: Fall Out Boy lyrics aren’t the most socially cool way of starting a post, but they seem somehow apt and after re-listening to the song (I’ve Got A Dark Alley And A Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth) I can see why they were playing in my head. I know it’s silly, but I find a lot of comfort in lyrics that are poetic or contain complicated thoughts.
Do you ever feel like you’re disappearing or you don’t quite exist? I do sometimes. I feel like I’m dissolving or fading away like the Cheshire Cat and soon all that will be left is a fake smile, but nobody will notice.
Continue reading “Hopelessly Hopeful”
The thing that I was worrying about is all clear. Negative not positive. So that’s good, really, even though a small part of me is kind of disappointed. I suppose that’s to be expected.
The title of this post is taken from a scene in Pride & Prejudice. My favourite scene, in fact, which is probably because I can see myself in it doing exactly what Elizabeth does because she’s too proud and too hurt, despite the fact she obviously quite likes Mr Darcy. The moment when he says it and you can see his heart in his eyes is so beautiful.
It’s rare anyone truly looks at you like that.
Continue reading “Most Ardently”