I’m so tired. I’ve started university this week. It’s alright but at the same time I feel kind of alone. I mean, I know today was only my second day and I seem to be making a good enough impression on the people around me, but I still feel alone. I’m missing a lot of people, despite the fact that I haven’t left home. I’m also angry with a friend and I’ve finally given up on another. There’s no point in being friends with Jonno any more. I’m not impressed. You try to talk to him and he ignores you etc etc. I’m just giving up on him. He doesn’t care and quite frankly I cannot be bothered any more. Of course, it still bothers me that it’s come to this, but what’s the point? We made every attempt to keep him included but he backs out of everything and it honestly seems more like his girlfriend, Amy, is more bothered about him seeing his friends than he is. And that’s just not right.
And it would have been nice to talk to him about how I was finding Scarborough since he was there last year, but obviously I can’t. There have been loads of things I’ve wanted to talk to him about but he’s gone out of his way to avoid talking to me. And that really kind of hurts because his opinion meant something to me.
Then there’s Nat and the fact that she’s been shagging Giles before she left for uni. It kind of makes me angry that she’s said she wouldn’t go back there because he’s not good enough for her and yet she’s gone and done exactly that. The thing that probably makes me most angry is that she’s splashed it all over facebook and so has he. It probably makes me more angry since she’s made several points of telling me to stop talking about Stephen and just get over him. I would never have told her that. And, if I really have to justify myself, I need someone to talk to about it… and sometimes it just slips out without my meaning to say it. And after it slips out I realise what I’ve said and hurt inside because I’ve voiced something out aloud again.
I shouldn’t have to feel pain for saying something out aloud; that’s what got me in that mess before.
I’m saying nothing to her about it or I’ll explode. And I’m ready to explode anyway.
My shoulder is burning from where the strap of my bag lies. It’s really heavy and I think it’s straining my muscles. All my neck muscles are stiff and sore. Ugh. And I’ve done so much walking it’s not even funny. And driving too, but I prefer driving. I’ve been driving from Scarborough all the way home. It’s fun except that there are so many bloody roundabouts on the Brid road so I speed up and then slow down and then sped up and then slow down again. It’s so annoying. I’m so glad I can drive, though. Tbh, it seems to relax me more than anything else right now. I mean, I’m only getting to sleep because I’m so exhausted. I guess the sea air helps too.
I think if I found out he had a girlfriend I’d be sick.
I can’t write. I want to. I really want to. I need to get to Book 4 so I can get everything going in that. I know exactly what’s going to happen in that book and it’s so exciting. It’s just getting there. And I need to write the big scene in this book too because it’s gonna take some co-ordinating. Ugh. I dunno.
*headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*