Extra Late Birthday Bits About How I’d ‘Never Get Published’ & Other Rubbish…

I’ve copied and pasted this from tumblr because I feel (now that I’ve moved out and am happy and no longer have to deal with the person in question) that I ought to let you guys know what happened on my birthday this year – I was going to backdate this to the date stamp on my tumblr page, but instead I’ll just note it here as the 22nd February 2013. The happier part is first.

Annnnd this is how my 23rd birthday went:

Or basically, how Howard spoiled me all yesterday…

He brought me my favourite chocolate bar the night before my birthday after I’d finished work and then in the morning he gave me my card which had a really gorgeous message inside that he’d written. Then he gave me a box of ‘premium’ quality chocolates because I apparently deserve the best. And then he made me check my emails for the £30 voucher he’d given me for a site that I always go on.

Afterwards we went for a light lunch. Then he went home to check if my other present had arrived yet but it hadn’t so he was a bit disappointed and will bring it to me as soon as he gets it. Then I went to work. Came back from work and the bad bit happened*, but then he turned up and we went for a proper expensive meal which was utterly divine with fantastic customer service. Later we went over to the flat and had a couple of drinks then came home to cuddle and sleep. And almost perfect day. 🙂

———

*The bad bit was not Howard’s fault and he wasn’t there when it happened. My older brother who is 37 hit me in the face. I’d smacked him down the side of the head with the back of my arm because he was being aggressive towards me and scaring me, not letting me through a doorway because he’d started having a go at me. My mum tried to defend me and he basically smacked me in the face. I’m not even sure if it was a punch or a slap because it was hard and fast and I had my mum standing in front of me trying to stop him.

Then he spat at me over her shoulder and through the door, calling me a whore etc etc…

So yeah. Perfect bar that disgusting display.

So, I’ll go a little more in depth about that moment now because I feel I need to and because I couldn’t explore much of my feelings about it at the time. Not to mention, this same brother (tagged as Master Boy-Child – he’s in his late 30s but you wouldn’t know it) told me that my writing was rubbish.

He told me he could write better. That he’d read some great books ‘like 50 Shades Of Grey’ (oh yes, he’s into the BDSM, transvestite stuff, but he likes to shove it in people’s faces and be extremely vocal about to people, which encourages me to think it’s not so much a lifestyle choice for him as something that will get him more attention) and compared to them (and specifically that one) my writing was ridiculous.

Then he’d told me I’d never get published.

Maybe I haven’t been published by a traditional publisher, but I am published. And maybe it isn’t a big novel, but Desecrated Bonds is a start and I have more to offer in the near future.

Anyway… These are the posts I made on tumblr regarding him in the days leading up to my birthday:

*Why did I include this one? Well, because I was waiting hours for Howard to get back home and my older brother was making it worse.

He’d started off the day by throwing snow into my car through the window as I’d tried to clear the screen off etc and was making it more and more difficult for me to try to get to work, but all the time he was laughing and telling me how I didn’t have a real job. My cousin was also in the car and also upset and angered by some of his words to her just before we’d gone outside (about how ‘he’d hit her to make her feel like a real woman’, then tried to backtrack that because my mum was there despite the fact his tone showed no remorse or apology).

Now the roads were ridiculously slippy that day so making me angry and upset on purpose whilst I was trying to drive on them was probably one of the worse things he could do.

Then when I was worrying about Howard getting back he proceeded to tell me how he hoped he’d crashed and was stuck etc and would freeze to death. Then, after my phone call to my other half that confirmed he wasn’t in the best situation trying to drive home, Master Boy-Child started asking where he was so he could go and beat him up. And yes, he specifically stated that was what he wanted to do.

So you can imagine exactly why I wanted to leave home and him behind.

And on my birthday?

On my birthday he started laying into me about pretty much everything he thought was wrong with me and how disgusting he thinks I am and how he thought I was just leeching off my parents, etc etc. Best bit? My mum was in the room (and despite the look on her face that night she has since told me that ‘that’s what brothers and sisters do: they argue’ in regards to this event) and said nothing.

He followed me into the kitchen and when I tried to leave that was when he stood in the doorway saying such horrible, disgusting stuff to me and being so threatening with his body language that I tried to get him to move out of the way by knocking the side of his face with my forearm. Even my mum agrees here that I didn’t use enough force to hurt him – especially as I am considerably smaller than he is.

I escaped into the living room, but he followed saying about how he was going to hit me and how he’d been waiting for me to hit him first so he could claim it was self-defence…

My mum got in between us and I basically ended up stuck between her and the coffee table with my legs wedged in.

Then my brother hit me over her shoulder.

So I ended up with a swollen cheekbone from the smack. My mum shoved him towards the kitchen whereupon he started telling me all of those disgusting things that he thought of me and how I ‘didn’t know what he’d been through’. I’m sorry, but I know what he’s been through. I’ve been told (not that I will reveal to you guys) but that is still no excuse to hit somebody. Not to mention that he spat at me over my mum’s shoulder at that point and called me a whore.

My mum told me to go upstairs and wait for her there, but I knew Howard was supposed to be arriving. What I didn’t know was that he was waiting outside the front door because he’d heard arguing and didn’t want to intrude.

He thought at first that I was shaking because I was cold when I went out to him, but I’ve never seen him look so quietly angry as he did when I told him what happened.

Even my younger brother came outside to stand with us for a bit because he didn’t want to be in the house alone with everything happening. Eventually, Howard and I carried on our evening as I previously described. The most I got off my older brother was a text to say he was sorry – something that I don’t believe he was and did not reply to as I can’t forgive him.

He used to be the person that I looked up to the most. And now I don’t know what he is to me.

This post has been long overdue.

However, I wanted to explore my feelings on the subject, today. Thanks for bearing with me whilst I did. I much happier now and have much less drama to report.

Anyway, thanks guys.

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4 thoughts on “Extra Late Birthday Bits About How I’d ‘Never Get Published’ & Other Rubbish…”

  1. Your brother sounds like he has some serious mental health issues which are making him scary and dangerous. I hope you are able to avoid being alone with him. I'm sorry you're having to go through this.

  2. Thankfully, I'm not having to go through it any more after moving out a couple of months after my birthday. I just felt that I should write about it and finally get it off my chest as I felt I hadn't been able to then.

    Thanks. I'm much happier now and I feel much safer.

  3. Having known you, so to speak, rather awhile nounAw, I knew you'd not had the best of times before moving out but this is a very sorry state of affairs indeed. For half a quid and a cookie, I'd sneak on a flight and teach brother some manners but I fear some animals can not ever be trained to be acceptable in the house. Glad for your current happiness and kudos for getting the bad stuff out of your head the way writers are supposed to.

  4. He's off causing worse trouble in the Scilly Isles now, I believe, so at least I'm not harassed by him for the mean time. Thank you for the concern. And I'm glad for the current state of things too. Much better for my overall health 😉

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