24th #SatSunTails Winners

& so we have our #SatSunTails winner!

You can help by promoting next week’s #SatSunTails on your blogs, twitter, G+, facebook, tumblr etc, that would be great. Also, if you’re on twitter and you’d like an @reply every weekend in order to remind you that the competition is open then please leave a note regarding this along with your twitter handle in the comments of this post so I can set that up for you.

But for now, let’s get to the winners!

The Written Prompt

electrical tinder

And yet again, a hard choice between such talented entries!

Runner Up Mentions

Andrew

I felt there was an element of poetic flow to the writing of this short fiction and loved the descriptions that twirled the story together with such ease.

@horror_nerd

Despite the punctuation error in the first sentence, I thought this was a great piece, especially with the twist of paranormal powers causing a boring life.

Overall Winner

@klingorengi

Not what I was expecting but an excellent take on the prompts with some very strong imagery.

Unmaker

She’d prayed against all hope that the ability would pass her by. Yet, every woman for over twenty generations in her line had been given The Blessing and so she should bear it as the honor it was.

She’d first felt it pulling at her with the same sharp jolt as discharging electrical tinder and she knew the change had taken her. From that day forward, she was and would always be an Unmaker.

Within a week, she nearly went crazy from her total inability to control her power. Dishes continued to dissolve into silica sand, her clothes to tufts of cotton and her poor bicycle was now an untidy pile of assorted elements.

Reaching toward her reflection in the mirror, she wondered how she could appear so normal and yet be such an unmitigated freak. The vines twining from the frame as it reverted to its natural wooded form mocked her as they swayed.

Critique Mentions

Now, as promised, I shall critique those entries that didn’t make it. Sometimes it can literally come down to the smallest things.

@solimond

“All she had to do was touch it and her worries would be over. Tonya reached out to touch the smooth surface.” Repetition. It really jerks you out of a story when you read repetition like this sometimes. Either pop a short sentence in between the other two so that it takes away the jarring or grab a different word so that it isn’t too much by having ‘touch’ again. Perhaps ‘brush’ or  ‘caress’ would have been better. Remember that you can give more description to the way she does it and the texture she feels with the verb you use.

@Lurchmunster

I felt that this piece was a little stiff. Some of the dialogue just seemed a little too contrived and more as if the character was reading off a card than speaking their own mind, which impeded the flow of the text. There were also a couple of instances where the repetition of a particular word such as mirror or room in the following sentence jarred and thus added to the stiffness. Perhaps read the dialogue aloud next time and its believability will become more obvious and reduce the stiffness of the text.

So thank you to all of those who entered.  The criticism is never meant to harm. It is there to help you better your writing and someday win overall. I’m sure it will also benefit those who were not criticised. I hope this has helped you as well as encouraged you to join in again next week!

Click here to read the mentioned entries.

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