21st #SatSunTails Winners

& so we have our #SatSunTails winner!

You can help by promoting next week’s #SatSunTails on your blogs, twitter, G+, facebook, tumblr etc, that would be great. Also, if you’re on twitter and you’d like an @reply every weekend in order to remind you that the competition is open then please leave a note regarding this along with your twitter handle in the comments of this post so I can set that up for you.

But for now, let’s get to the winners!

The Written Prompt

interminable dispute

And yet again, a hard choice between such talented entries!

Runner Up Mentions

@tollykit

The way the prompt was fitted into the story along with the difference of setting made this piece unique. I really enjoyed how the prompt became a prop within the story and not just the basis for it.

@DavidALudwig

A great and unexpected tale that I hope our brave protagonist survives.

@Klingorengi

Simple and yet beautifully brought to life with an engaging narrative.

Overall Winner

@Leo_Godin

Because I really adored the last line in the face of the rest of the story.

Winning Entry

We got to the airport late as usual.

"If we’d left when I said we should," my husband said in that voice we all use when we’re pissed but don’t want to make a scene.

Why do I bother? Vacations are more work than they’re worth. Even little Samantha looked tense, clutching her bear with all her strength.

The last day in the Bahamas began same as the first; tension and bustle. Miles of sand, scrumptious food and free drinks hadn’t yet broken our malaise. One last beach visit provided the sole opportunity for lasting memories.

Bill paced as Samantha and I frolicked in the water.

"We have to go."

I readied my underwater camera, savoring the moment as Samantha dipped into the sea and contested her will against one of its inhabitants. Resolute, she stared the blue fish down. That one interminable dispute made the trip worth it.

Critique Mentions

Now, as promised, I shall critique those entries that didn’t make it. Sometimes it can literally come down to the smallest things.

@Aitch01

I simply felt there was a lot of repetition in the passage where the name ‘Melody’ could have been substituted for something else so that the reader didn’t feel crowded by the mention. 

@Charlottescribe

There was an unnecessarily long sentence that had far too much information in it for the reader to process after such short sentences. Without commas for pauses, too, this made it more difficult to read. Perhaps read it aloud next time and that may help to solve this issue of flow within the text.

So thank you to all of those who entered.  The criticism is never meant to harm. It is there to help you better your writing and someday win overall. I’m sure it will also benefit those who were not criticised. I hope this has helped you as well as encouraged you to join in again next week!

Click here to read the mentioned entries.

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