Die Hard 2.1: Heathrow

Stuck in Heathrow? Planes not moving? Unable to go on your Christmas holidays and escape the dreadful weather that’s keeping you here in the UK?

Well… it’s not the weather’s fault.

That’s right. John McClane is at it again…

He’s at Heathrow airport saving everyone from terrorists while authorities pretend that we’re actually all just stuck under the weather.

He’s racing around the airport without any shoes on, slathered in blood and finding conspiracies in the authorities sent to help the airport with the terrorist threat. Sadly, this happens to John every Christmas Eve. He hasn’t seen his family over Christmas for years due to their inane abilities to get kidnapped by terrorists, trapped in planes that are unable to land or simply because they aren’t speaking to him any more in which case he spends his holidays with Samuel L Jackson in an NY taxi cab.

Okay… So maybe I’m just making it up, but wouldn’t it be a much more exciting reason for Heathrow to be closed?

And it gives me a reason to sing Let It Snow, which is one of my favourite Christmas songs. Speaking of Christmas, it’s not long at all now. We have even stashed all of our presents into one giant bag beneath the tree.

This is because, sadly, Santa Clause has been delivering me coal since I was nine so now we simply buy presents our selves. My presents are, instead, brought to me by the Christmas mummy fairy, friends and R when his reindeer led sled hasn’t been clamped by the evil elf police. Damn you elf police!

Merry Christmas!

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