Taking Charge

Normal people seem to have lazy days where they can hang around in their pyjamas all day and feel perfectly comfortable. Why can I not do that? As soon as I’ve had something to eat with a hot beverage I must be dressed. As I type, I’m sitting in my pyjamas and my dressing gown, but I may pause just t get dressed.

My problem with sitting in my bedclothes is that I start to feel just a little bit like a tramp. It’s like I’m sitting in muck or something and the more I do so the more I will ferment. I can’t stand that feeling. My face begins to feel all greasy and grimy the longer that I sit here until, eventually, I decide to get dressed just so that I can feel more human and fresher.

I hate hanging around all day in my pyjamas. I also hate having nothing to occupy my mind. If I have nothing to occupy my mind I start unravelling and becoming very agitated. I start feeling that I must be doing something so I pace my room and move things from one place to the other, trying to get them tidied away but somewhere that is an optimal area to find them in if I need them again.

Thus, my room looks like an indecisive mess because I keep altering things. It looks like a mess anyway because it’s cluttered, but that’s entirely beside the point.

My problem with getting dressed, however, is an utterly ridiculous one; I hate feeling grimy like this, but I cannot yet be entirely bothered to do the necessary. This is procrastination in its stupidest form. It may also explain a little as to why I am so bad at decision making. It’s very rare that I don’t have two ideas pulling me in opposite directions.

I’m like the typical sign for Pisces: two fish pulling in opposite directions with their tails tied together (check the photo link for a better description of Pisces). The worst thing is that I know it irritates people around me. Instead of forcing myself into making decisions, I hover about for a bit trying to scope what it is that I’m going to plump for. Sometimes I manage to decide and other times it takes me a while.

The big problem is when I have to make a decision which involves other people. I always have to make sure that they are happy first. This doesn’t sound like a bad thing, but sometimes it means that I frustrate people because I ask their opinion and then go for whichever option they wanted. I guess it makes me seem like I have no mind of my own. I’d like to reassure you that I really do.

When I agree to go with someone else’s decision, it’s usually because I either don’t have a substantial opinion on the subject or I’m in agreement with them. Very occasional, I agree with them because they are the ones either paying or losing out on something to afford us the choices, so, to me, it would seem unfair to make the decisions. Besides, who would be blamed if it was a bad decision and they’d lost out because of it?

If, however, I have a strong opinion on a subject, I’ll state it. The problem comes when someone tries to change my mind. I’m typically extremely stubborn. It’s like yo-yoing from one extreme to the other.

As far as my poor opinion-giving skills are concerned, however, I know that it frustrates a lot of people, including R who I don’t want to frustrate at all but I can see when I do. One of my close friends has figured out the way to deal with my decision making problems is simply to ask the question and then wait a while so I can dilly and dally. She’s figured out that if she ignores me and doesn’t put pressure on me for a decision, I’ll make one quicker and we can move on.

Still, being so indecisive really is a horrible problem. Even I get tired of my inability. I’m trying really hard to attempt to overcome it. The problem is that I’m always being so damn agreeable to everyone. If I was arrogant and selfish I doubt that I’d even be writing about this most annoying problem (in fact, I’d probably be discussing how sexy I look in these pyjamas and telling you that everybody worships the ground I walk on). Eventually, I’ll get over it enough to give my opinions a bit better.

Really, I will.

At least that’s one decision I’ve made… Now I just need help learning to make the others more forcefully!

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