& Now For Something Completely Different

A writing piece of sorts, if you will, is what I now bestow upon you and hope you enjoy. It is meant to be entirely humorous and not at all an accurate representation of the readers of certain books…

A Writer’s Vision of the Future…

A piece of purely fictional rubbish…

The year is 2323.

Society has dissolved into tribes after the battle of Waterstone’s that rocked Piccadilly in 2209. Little is known about this battle. Records simply state that the battle spread around the world with catastrophic repercussions. Many of the adult population were killed. Those that survived usually formed small communities distanced from the general population. Others were absorbed into the tribes forming in the conflict.

We now live in a time where these tribes have control…

“Ginny Six Two Four!” the small blonde beneath the parapet called. She had an old kaleidoscope pressed to one eye as if it was a telescope.

G624 made her way to the front of the line, hidden by boulders that had been fashioned in the shape of castle defences. She carried a thick stick in her hand as if it would protect her from the dangers of the world beyond the stones. She’d been brought up to understand that Camp Hogwarts the Fourth was the only safe place.

The previous three incarnations of Camp Hogwarts had all been raided by the Sparkly Horde.

The blonde girl squinted into her kaleidoscope and beckoned G624 closer. She looked up, finally, when the other girl was crouched beside her, fiddling with her stick as the wind tugged at her ginger hair.

“G, I got a sighting of them. They’re over the hill. I think they’re planning another attack.”

“So?”

The blonde girl wrinkled her nose. “Not much of a Ginny, are you?”

G624 tried not to let the frown catch at the corner of her lip. She was wishing she’d been born in the Sparkly Horde. All they ever wanted to do at Camp Hogwarts was defend against the Sparkly Horde. At least the Sparklers had some fun.

“Go tell G560. She’ll want to know.”

G624 held back a groan and trudged away. This meant that she and the other Ginny girls would be sent out to attack the Sparklers on the hill. After the information had been relayed, sure enough, G624 was gathered with all of the other Ginny girls, readying themselves to run out at the Sparklers.

On a cliff top overlooking the site, grubby old men, covered in leaves and smoking peace pipes looked on. Their more beautiful companions tended to their quivers and bows, ignoring the small angry, bearded people barking their opinions.

“They’ll never learn,” murmured the oldest individual. He watched the silvery people running at the red haired girls on the field below, his eyes slow with interest.

“You would have had time to say that in Entish,” a tall blonde lad with silvery hair commented.

The old man’s face creased with a grin. “Yes, but I’m out of practise…”

“That’s what happens when you spend all your time talking to those nitwits who think they’re descended from Harry Potter!” spat an angry dwarf.

The tall blonde’s face creased with distaste, but he said nothing. Instead, the elderly gentleman answered after a long inhale on his pipe, which seemed to have a strange effect on the depth of his gaze. “I don’t spend all of my time talking to him… But their grand wizard is given more respect than you guys give me…”

“Hand me your pipe and you can go join them,” the dwarf muttered, but the old man pretended not to hear him. He twisted his fingers in his silvery beard and squinted as the silvery troupe carried away some of the red haired children.

G624 squealed and squeaked as she was carried away by two pale boys wearing nothing but loin cloths made of tin foil. They had feverish eyes that seemed to fix on her throat far too often for her liking. “560!” she cried out. “560! Help me!”

G560 didn’t hear her cries above the squeals from others who had been bitten by the bizarrely clad boys.

The old man on the cliff top, however, narrowed his gaze some more. After a moment or two, he nodded at the angry dwarf. “Didn’t your son have an affair with someone over at–”

“How dare you even suggest it?!” cried the dwarf, his face scarlet.

“He did,” answered the elven lad, restringing his bow. “Lovely girl. She was one of the Ginny things they have.”

“Oh,” said the old man as if he’d learned something to his advantage. A pleased blush rose in his cheeks. “I was just going to say that the girl down there looks very like your Beodrin.”

“There are lots of girls down there,” the dwarf muttered.

“The weak one getting carried away.”

The dwarf scowled at his taller acquaintance and made a move as if to attack, but the elven creature didn’t flinch.

“Maybe you should help her,” the old gentleman mused with a twinkle in his eye.

Metal sliced through the grass and stuck as the short being hurled his axe and stormed away.

Down below, G624 was dragged back to the Sparkly Horde’s secret hide out below the ground. She was strapped to a chair and a light was thrust in her face. She blinked furiously. Pale faces peered at her from the shadows.

“Do you know what we are…?” came a soft male voice.

G raised an eyebrow. They’d brought her there to ask her silly questions? “I’m pretty sure…”

“We’re vampires.”

G snorted her laughter through her nose as she tried to stifle herself. “Don’t be stupid! There’s no such thing as vampires!”

“What?!” cried one of the boys stepping into the light. He pressed his hands to his hips causing a terrifying quake to his foil loin cloth. “We’re vampires! I’ll show you!” He dragged his friend into the light and dug his teeth into his neck.

The other boy yelped and pushed him off, putting his hand to his sore neck. “Ow! What the hell?! What did you do that for?!”

“I was trying to make a point.”

“You were trying to make two – into my neck!”

“Well, obviously… How else am I supposed to show that we’re vampires?”

“You could have–” The boy with the sore neck gestured towards the chair, but their prisoner was gone. “You let her escape!” he accused quickly.

“What?! No, that was you!”

G624 hid in a side tunnel listening to their argument and hoping that they would leave soon so that she could escape. The other Ginny girls would be looking for her. And then she paused in her thoughts.

What if she just left for good? What if she didn’t go back to taking orders from all of the other Ginny girls? Her eyes glinted in the dark as she tried to figure out what to do.