“I Love You… Most Ardently…” – Mr Darcy

I confess that the line in the title is, indeed, from the film version of Pride and Prejudice with the lovely Matthew MacFadyen and Kiera Knightley. I also confess that it is a slight precursor to some of the contents of this journal entry.

I had an eventful day. I went to Beverley with my friend so that she could get her braces taken off. We wandered around town for a while and I had a look for the book that I really wanted… which was unfortunately not there. We sat and chatted for a while, which is nice, because we haven’t in quite a long time. We seem to have made up properly now. So that was really nice to do. At the same time, I was job hunting so I have two application forms to fill out. A pub has my number in case they have any future vacancies and a chip shop has my number too. Hopefully someone will call back and give me a job. I’m also going to start selling some of my mother’s pieces of jewellery on a little online site. The jewellery is hand made and real silver, so when the site is sorted out, it will be available to buy in the UK.

Then I got a call from friends, too, who wanted to go for a drive. That meant that three of us went for a drive and chatted for a long time whilst we walked along Bridlington Promenade, which, as usual, was absolutely freezing cold, dark and empty. On our way back, we accidentally made a wrong turn and came to a dead end where my friend had to do a turn in the road (three point turn). When we were looking out of the back window we noticed a sign painted in red that said, “DO NOT ENTER! WARNING!’ This scared one of our friends slightly and we got out of there pretty fast. It was dark and we suddenly realised everything might turn into a weird teen horror movie (though I’m sure they usually have more than one guy involved in those movies – in our case it was three girls and a guy). All of the way home, however, one of our friends was scaring herself by thinking of murderers and things because of the sign whilst my other two comrades started talking about ghost stories. Suffice to say, none of us has died yet but we may all suffer nightmares.

So, to go back to seeing my first friend of the day… I’m wishing she hadn’t told me who she’d stalked on facebook the other night. I was pretending one of the people she stalked was far away and that there was no possible notion of me seeing them so I didn’t even need to think about it… And of course this started me thinking about it, which is really pathetic and wounds my pride terribly. Sadly, I am quite a proud person, but not noticeably so… At least, I don’t think so. Anyway, I just wish she hadn’t made it so real that this particular individual was about when I was doing my best to pretend he wasn’t. It’s been working out better for me to pretend I don’t care any more, because, for a few sad seconds, I can convince myself that I really don’t.

It has just dampened my mood, though. I’ll probably pick up again when I wake up. Or if I eat. I’d like to eat right now. Chocolate or something… which is bad because I promised myself I’d try to get my stomach muscles a bit tamer. Oh well… I can do that after I eat, right?

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