Title song lyrics from a fitting song [Feel Good Inc. by Gorillaz] today, I think. I haven’t been feeling totally great lately, as you may have guessed from the lack of real journal posts going on. Today, I feel like my usual crazy self. I bet you’re all so pleased… or you’ve decided to move to another country to get away. So, I was at a really low ebb last night. Not as low as I have been in the past, but still a low ebb. I felt like rubbish and that everything, similarly, was pointless. I couldn’t be bothered with editing and I’d vowed not to start Shattered Glass (or whatever similar name that I intend to call it eventually) until I’d finished my editing. I also said that in between editing, I would write some more of Frosted Glass, which my friend (who I mention too much, but here we go again: Andrew McClusky AKA NAL Games) intends to make his first indie 3D game around.
For those of you who don’t know, indie games means those independently made games that you discover on the ‘net in such places as the YoYo Games forums or GameJolt or my brother’s site, SigmaNINE.net. They’re made on private computers and aren’t backed by huge companies. People hoping to be game makers seem to start out here. Andrew already seems to have a fairly big following. His games tend to be strangely abstract and he always gives them bizarre names, for example, one of his most popular games is called madnessMADNESSmadness sometimes abbreviated to mMm (and lord help you if you don’t capitalise it correctly!). All of his games, so far, have been in 2D, but he’s wanted to a game with a storyline closer to a novel for some time and, since I agreed to write him a storyline, it’s given him an excuse to start using 3D graphics.
Anyway, returning from my little tangent, I was just feeling terrible and rubbish. I had nothing to do because of the restrictions I’d set on myself and I didn’t reckon I could really do any justice to the opening scene of book four, anyway. This left me little choice as to what to do. After a while of talking to a friend and reminiscing on things that really shouldn’t be reminisced upon for the sake of my own health, I decided I’d rewrite a scene that I’ve had hanging around for a while, ready to be placed into book four. At first it was more an exercise to improve the scene as my writing has improved since I first wrote it and my view on the characters involved has evolved. I didn’t finish the scene because it was getting to the point where I couldn’t type coherently, but I did start feeling like I hadn’t felt in several years.
I got that old feeling that, no matter what was going to happen, everything would be alright.
I haven’t had that feeling in years, most probably because an awful lot of absolute… well, yeah, you get the point. And all this junk just piled up on me. After a while, that kind of depressing stuff weighs a girl down. But now I’m feeling optimistic. Hopefully this feeling will stay for a while. I want it to.
(Lyrics in the title are from Feel Good Inc. by Gorillaz)
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