Ethereal Entity #18

Where: On my bed

Listening to: Norah Jones – Tell Yer Mama

Tabs open: Facebook, SD chatroom

Programs open: Msn, Chrome, MSWord, WMP

I’ve been reminded twice to write this today… It’s not that I need reminding; I just don’t really have anything specific to talk about. Part of me is feeling the familiar tug of ‘I don’t know what to do with myself’ and ‘where on earth is my life going’. Maybe it’s just the fact that it’s a new year and it’s near my birthday (21st February people). I’m not that old… but it just makes me wish that my most heartfelt desires would, for once, come true. Maybe part of this downer is the fact that I’ve used up my energy on being happy and friendly, today, already. Ridiculous, really. It’s quite funny. I read somewhere (and writing this just reminded me) that Pisces don’t tend to have a lot of energy and what energy they do have is spent on the people around them instead of on themselves. I think that’s pretty true in my case.

I wish I wasn’t so difficult, sometimes.

There are sides to me that pretty much nobody sees. It’s not that I don’t want them to, but I just feel incredibly vulnerable. And I can’t stand feeling vulnerable. I don’t like showing people my weaknesses, which is an easy indicator as to why I hide behind being a bit of a freak most of the time. And then I have my pride. I’m extraordinarily proud… but I’ve learnt, over the years, how to let go of it a bit better. The vulnerability and the fear, however, take me a bit longer to sort out in a situation before I plunge in… I’m not a risk taker. I like playing it safe. I’ve become a bit more adventurous really, but to be honest that’s mostly because I’m cutting off my nose to spite my face (to coin a phrase).

Anyway, I have some editing to do on DStoM so I should get to that and stop procrastinating and moping. Because nobody likes a moper. =P

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